Saturday, September 4, 2010
Long Time
Wow, it's been quite a while since I've updated my blog... A lot has happened this past year and a half, and I want to forget it all, but the memories keep coming back. I'm a fool... a blasted, horrid fool. And I keep wanting to think that things are getting better, that they'll change. Some good stuff has happened this summer, but before that... I want to forget. I want to change. But it feels like... I don't know. Maybe I'm not determined enough. Maybe I'm so set in my ways that I can't change. Oh please let it not be true. I don't want to go through any more drama like the kind I've had these past couple of years. Every time I think about what I've done I feel dreadful, disgusting... worthless. In all honesty, I should be dead, or at least have seriously messed myself up. What's wrong with me?
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I hope some of the "good stuff" from the summer includes the Manti Pageant. It was definitely some of the "good stuff" of my summer :) and now of my last year. I think about that day at Macey's and I think about how I could've gotten distracted and I could've just told you to have a nice day and walked out..and the thought makes me shudder. Oh I am so happy you are my friend. I am so happy that God let me be a little more brave that day and ask you to come with us. I'm glad you were a little more brave that day and came. I'm glad that you haven't gotten weirded out by me.. yet ;) and that you still come because we sure do love having you around. cross my heart ;)
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