What's changed?
Nothing.
So why am I blogging?
Couldn't tell you.
.........
Look, I get it!
I know I act like a retard.
I know my mentality is quite unstable.
I don't know how,
when,
where,
or why it happened,
but somewhere,
sometime in my life,
something went extremely wrong,
and I can't figure out what.
So please, you don't offend me by saying
you don't want to be friends.
You offend me with the act.
Stop pretending.
I promise I am not as shallow and stupid as
I seem to be.
Stop indulging me.
It's not funny.
It never was.
Stop telling me, "Oh, hey, lets do something."
and then forget.
Most of this is my fault though.
I should be seeing right through your crap,
but I keep hoping that someone will care.
I also hope that I'll change too... but it's obvious
to see how successful I've been at that.
I know I'm a freak, but what you don't know
is how fucking hard I work to change that.
There is no excuse for my failure.
I'll never be normal.
I will be a freak for the rest of my life,
worse than a loser.
I wish I could crawl into a hole and never,
ever, come out.
My very existence is an embarrassment.
So fuck off.
Dearest Megan,
ReplyDeleteI don't know who you are talking to in this post, but just to clear the air if necessary, I am sorry if I have ever made you feel less than you are. Or if I have ever made you feel unimportant or the "third wheel," I am sorry.
There's a line in this post that I think makes you frustrated, but it is something I want to address. "I'll never be normal." I sure hope not. I love you as you. I don't want you to be like anybody else than you. Let's face it. I'm not normal, but that is exactly how I would like to stay. If I were normal, you might not want to be my friend ;) So let's continue to be friends, but let's be even better friends tomorrow than we were today and even better the next day, and the next day, and the next day after that. But please promise me that we will never ever ever be normal :)